Tabula Rasa
by WildCherry45
Summary: I wrote this before the season 1 finale aired and it's what I thought the Nathan and Haley storyline would play out on the finale. (Nathan & Haley) COMPLETE!


  
  
It was raining.  
  
Haley supposed that added some sort of poetic element to the whole situation. Maybe, it made everything more dramatic, more memorable, more surreal. Whatever it was, it intensified it all. One moment, she was dry and safe. Confused, slightly angered but safe. She was in Peyton's car, their previous conversation still burning through her mind, her thoughts all in a jumble.  
  
And, the next, she was running out the car, towards Nathan. Then, she was kissing him. It didn't happen like they said it would.  
  
The moment of realization. The moment where reality kicks in. The epiphany.  
  
Time didn't freeze. She and Nathan did not spend what seemed like an eternity staring at each other, sending each other questioning glances of what to do next.  
  
She was riding in the car, her hand on the glass of the window, tracing the water lines the rain had left behind, listening to the mellow music playing softly. The comfort waves emitted from Peyton's speaker and she felt calmer.  
  
And, then she saw him. Everything came back to her again. The rush. The excitement. The worry. The confusion. The anger. The want. The need.  
  
The car was barely parked when Haley flew out the door, running into his arms. And, then, she kissed him. It was different. There was more. More craving, more need, more desire. It was raw, real, passionate and Haley felt the whole world slip away when she was in his arms.  
  
Her mind reverted back to a blank state. Tabula Rasa. Her mind before experience, before life, before Nathan. Before all of it. The thoughts flew from her mind and all she knew at that moment was that she was kissing Nathan.  
  
That was all that mattered.  
  
Her arms had slipped from his neck, resting on his shoulders as the heels of her feet rested back against the hardness of the pavement. She looked into his eyes, waiting, her tongue running over her lower lip.  
  
She could still taste him.  
  
The rain was falling all around them. In the silence between the two, she could hear the plitter-platter the droplets of water made with the pavement. She could feel the rain sliding down her hair, making contact with her hot skin and travelling down her body.  
  
The whole world was crashing down around them. Slowly detiorating, one by one, things were coming apart. Deb. Lucas. Keith. Karen. Peyton. Brooke. Dan.  
  
The last name lingered for a moment in her mind. His words shot through her body and she shuddered visibly. Nathan looked at her questioningly but she smiled in reassurance. He needed her.  
  
Dan only made her realize that all the more.  
  
The rain had soaked through her hair completely now and she could feel the humidity and denseness in the air. Even the atmosphere was tense and heavy with broken hearts and drama.  
  
She looked up into his eyes, her voice hoarse, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I needed to see you," he said after a few quiet moments. "What about you?" He looked beyond her and to Peyton, who was still sitting in the car, pretending that she wasn't paying attention to the scene unfolding before her.  
  
She bit back her joking comment and instead said seriously, "I was looking for you. Nathan, what I said before, I don't want you to feel like-"  
  
"Shh," he whispered, placing his finger upon her lips, "I know. And, I'm keeping it," his hand dropped down to her chest, his fingertips applying pressure to the skin over her heart. "It's all I want, just you. You're enough," he said softly, "More then enough."  
  
The drops of rain trickled down her cheeks as she looked up at him, feeling her eyes getting misty. There were a few moments of silence after the proclamation. She wanted to revel in it. The words coarsed through her body like a drug, a high that made her senses soar.  
  
He knew though. He knew how she felt. He knew what she wanted to say but couldn't quite put into words. Because, he felt the same way. Few words were exchanged between them as she took his hand in hers, leading him towards Peyton's car.  
  
The drive to his apartment was made in silence. She spoke more to Peyton, thanking her, then she did to Nathan the entire ride there. But, it wasn't that she didn't want to speak to him.  
  
There was no need for it.  
  
He understood her. They were finally on the same level, the same train of thought.  
  
She made no move to dry herself when she stepped into his apartment. Her back was turned as she stared off at the blankness of his walls, the whiteness, the emptiness. It was such a blatant representation of her life before. Blank. Empty. Safe.  
  
Now, it was complex, dramatic, and full of situations she had never imagined herself in before.  
  
She turned around slowly, watching Nathan with careful eyes. He was leaning against the door, his eyes closed, his body relaxed. The mere presence of Haley calmed him and got him excited at the same time.  
  
So many contradicting and conflicting emotions ran through him and for once, he wasn't confused about them. He knew exactly what it meant. What this meant. What this was, between he and Haley.  
  
Love.  
  
Contracdicting, confusing, conflicting and complicated.  
  
Love.  
  
He took a step closer, as did she. Her fingertips trailed over his chest for a brief moment before she withdrew, the tingles sending shock waves down her spine. She closed her eyes momentarily as a contented sigh spilt from her lips. When she opened her eyes, she was met with a blue darker then she had ever seen before.  
  
She could see the love and want in his eyes, the desperate need that he had for her. There was more though. Different. Something that she had seen before only in brief periods of time. Lust. Want. Desire. Craving.  
  
The decision hung over her head and Haley wavered slightly. She could hear the rain again. The impact the rain drops were making with the window reverterbrated through the room. This was new. This was unchartered territory.  
  
She was scared. And, excited. Nervous. The list could go on. All she knew was that it felt right.  
  
The feeling in the pit of her stomach made her shiver and she already knew what choice she was going to make. Maybe she knew all along and just didn't want to admit to herself. Whatever the case was, it didn't matter anymore.  
  
What mattered was that she was there. And, so was Nathan. And, she loved him. That was important. That was all that was important at the moment.  
  
She applied a heavy pressure against his chest as she leaned closer, her breath hot against his skin. Leaning up, she craned her neck slightly, their lips meeting briefly. The sexual tension sizzled between the two and Haley could feel the balance in her stature slip away. She clung onto him as the kiss deepened. He was devouring her and she was giving back with equal force.  
  
She felt him nudging her slightly, the tips of his callous fingers digging into the revealed skin of her waist. She stumbled back as they moved toward his bedroom. The movement caused her to cling onto him even further.  
  
"Haley," he moaned, forcing himself to pull back, looking into his eyes, searching for an answer. She knew what the question was.  
  
He didn't need to say the words.  
  
But, he did anyway. "Are you sure?"  
  
The second he breathed her name in the manner that he had, she knew. She was sure. She was positive. She was ready.  
  
This was what it felt, she knew, to be ready. A feeling in her heart and a confidence in her mind. Her body was on edge and she nodded in confirmation, kissing him once again, pushing him back against the bed.  
  
They both fell into the softness of the mattress, the cotton making slight friction against their bodies. She kissed his hard, a new surge of desire for him travelling through her body. She needed him so much. Never before had she felt this way before. It was like she was drowning in him. He was consuming her in every way, every manner, every fashion.  
  
And, she was readily and willingly to fall into him.  
  
Leaning back up, her fingers were on the edge of her tank top, ready to pull the piece of clothing off when he grabbed her wrist in a firm but gentle embrace.  
  
"Haley," he said again, giving her one more chance to back out, "Are you positive?"  
  
She nodded but his hand still rested on her wrist. He needed to hear it.  
  
"Yes," she said, her voice wavering slightly.  
  
He pulled her hands away from her tank top as he leaned in and kissed her ever so gently, as if reassuring her once again that he wasn't going to force her. It was hard. Sometimes it was so hard to keep that control he had over himself in tact but he managed it. He was on the edge now, struggling with himself. He wanted her.  
  
She knew that. He wanted her badly but he refused to take her unwillingly.  
  
"Yes," she said again, her voice more confident as her eyes clouded over with need. "Yes, I want this, Nathan."  
  
That was all the confirmation he needed. As his lips touched hers, he felt that control he had over himself slowly slip away. It was so hard. He wanted her, all of her.  
  
Haley pulled the tank top over her head, revealing herself to him in more ways then one. This was her. No lies, no masks, just her. Simple, true.  
  
Haley James.  
  
Nathan felt the breath catch in his throat as he took in her body. She was right.  
  
She wasn't the standard of perfection.  
  
She was real. She wasn't some unattainable fantasy that most men crave for. She was just Haley. And, she was perfect for him.  
  
Feeling another wave of desire wash over him, he kissed her deeply, his hands travelling up the bare expanse of her back. He traced small circles over her skin and smiled as she moaned into his mouth.  
  
Pushing them both up the bed slightly, Nathan whipped off his shirt, throwing the offending material off the bed. He returned his focus onto kissing Haley. He was determined to make her feel everything he was feeling. All that he felt for her, she would feel tonight.  
  
The past few days had been messy, doubts and uncertainties rising to the surface. That was the one thing Nathan never wanted Haley to feel towards him, doubt. She had before in the beginning and he thought they had gotten past it. They hadn't. But, they dealt with it. They had gotten through it. And, now, more then ever, Nathan realized how much he loved her.  
  
This little slip of a girl in his arms. She was so fragile, so vulnerable, like she said. Yet at the same time, she was so strong and full of life and vitality. Contradictions.  
  
She wasn't one sided, she was more. That was why he loved her.  
  
Nathan flipped her underneath him as he kissed his way down her neck, moving to her collar bone and then slowly down her chest, lavishing the exposed skin of her breasts with kisses. He kissed the soft skin of her stomach, smirking when she giggled.  
  
Mentally noting that she was ticklish in that area, he moved further down, his fingers shaking as they arrived at the material of her jeans. He looked up at her, a feeling of pride washing over him as he saw the rise of her chest as she was breathing heavily.  
  
He was seeing up close the effect he had on her. So many times, he felt powerless against her as she had such a hold over him. Now, it was finally his turn. As ludicrous as it sounded, it made him feel better. He was always confident when it came to subject of sex. He wasn't going to lie. He was experienced. But, Haley wasn't. He wanted to make her first time as pleasurable as it could be. He didn't want her to look back at her first time as a mistake. He wanted it to be memorable.  
  
He wanted to be everything she wanted.  
  
Pushing down the nervousness inside him, he unbuttoned her jeans and slowly slid the material off of her body, taking her socks off as well. Throwing the jeans aside, he moved up her body, his movements grateful.  
  
Haley watched him with wide eyes. He was so beautiful, so big. She felt so tiny compared to him. Though he wasn't touching her, she still felt pinned down. Pinned down by his captivating eyes and words. Closing her eyes in content, she smiled as he began kissing her once again, his hands travelling down her chest and down to her bra.  
  
Her breath caught in her throat as she realized his intentions. His hand reached behind her and he fumbled for a few moments. Haley could no longer hold in her laughter as she smiled widely, saying through her giggles, "The clasp is in the front."  
  
He frowned at this before attacking her mouth with a deep kiss. He unbuttoned the bra and pulled back, savoring the taste of her and the expression on her face.  
  
"Hmm," she moaned before raising an eyebrow in amusement.  
  
He simply shook his head and shrugged, pulling the bra off her gently. At the feel of the cotton material coming off her body, she tensed for a moment. The nervousness hitting her at full force. Words of apology slipped from her lips, "I'm sorry I'm not more-"  
  
Nathan stopped her before she could get any further, "You're perfect to me." He whispered gently, kissing her softly, "Don't ever think you're anything less."  
  
She smiled in womanly pride at his words. She could see the truth in his eyes and how the blue seemed so much darker, tinted with desire. She did that to him.  
  
Her. Haley James.  
  
The surprise had barely worn off when she moaned in pleasure. The things he was doing to her body. His tongue. His mouth. His touch. Everything about him was just driving her wild. She bit her lower lip as she cradled his head to her breast, running her hands through his hair. "Nathan," she breathed.  
  
It only made him continue his ministrations with more vigor then before. She moaned in disappointment when he pulled back, lifting himself onto his knees. He was hovering above her now, his hands at the button of his jeans. Slowly, he peeled his jeans off and kicked them off the bed.  
  
Something about this manner and the way he stripped made the whole experience so much more sensual and seductive. Haley's eyes clouded over with desire as she lifted herself off the bed, grabbing his face and kissing him hard, taking the intiative for once.  
  
He responded eagerly and they both fell onto the bed once again, kissing passionately. Minutes passed and soon, Haley found herself completely naked, revealed to Nathan. A drop of uncomfortableness resided in the back of her mind but after his reassuring whispers, it soon dissipated. Haley's hands moved slowly down to the edge of his boxers and she sighed nervously.  
  
"I don't really-"  
  
Again, he stopped her with a kiss and a smile. "It's okay."  
  
Two simple words seem to do so much.  
  
She felt a smile creep onto her lips and once again, her uncertainty melted away. She found comfort in him, in his words and just in his whole being.  
  
Through heavy lidded eyes, Haley saw him reach into his drawer and in his hands was the small foil package that she was positive he was familiar with. She resisted the urge for the questions within her to pop up once again. Nathan wanted her. He was hers now. No one else's.  
  
Nodding her approval, she blushed as he slipped the condom on, still in awe of him. He was so... beautiful. She was lucky for him, to have someone like him. True, he stumbled and made his mistakes but that just made him more human, more real. It made him less of a god like figure like he was recognized at the school. To her, he was Nathan. Simple.  
  
He held himself over her, poised at her entrance, looking into her questioning eyes.  
  
In a small voice, she asked, "Will it hurt?"  
  
Nathan felt a pang in his heart as he nodded, "Yeah, but it'll go away." He looked at her seriously, "Are you ready?"  
  
"Yeah," she whispered back, nodding furiously. Moaning in a mixture of pleasure and pain, she closed her eyes briefly and arched her back as he entered her, slowly and carefully.  
  
Pausing for a moment, he kissed her hard before he thrust, breaking her barrier and swallowing her cry of pain with his soft tongue. He stopped moving, letting her adjust to him. When he pulled back, her eyes were closed tightly, the tears trickling from her eyes as she breathed heavily. She nodded quickly, "I'm okay."  
  
He began to move slowly, thrusting in and out of her gently as he kissed the tears away. Hot, smooth, soft, sweet, silky, warm... never before had he felt so alive. He could hear his heart beating a mile a minute in his ears.  
  
Haley could feel the tension building inside of her, travelling all over her body. She moaned in want, desire.. so much, so much was going through her now. So many feelings, emotions. She felt her heart expand further and further. Clutching at her chest, she breathed deeply and met Nathan's thrusts with equal vigor. He was a part of her now. Inside her, claiming a part of her that no one else could ever have. It was him. Just him. All him.  
  
Moaning again, she barely registered his whispers of random words. Words that were meant for comfort. She was so caught up in him. The sweat trickled down her skin as she bit her lip in delicious pleasure. She could see his mouth moving through her dazed vision but what was he saying? Giving up, she grabbed his head and pulled his face down for a sloppy but rough kiss. Passion, need, want, desire... that was all that consumed them now.  
  
Nathan could feel it building up inside him, his release. He massaged her clit, applying gentle but constant pressure. She was going to crack, he knew it. He could see it in her face. Thrusting at the same time, he smiled when she finally came. Mouth open, back arched, eyes staring straight into his.  
  
Magical perfection. He kissed her hard as he continued to thrust, letting himself go finally, calling out her name in pleasure.

--  
  
They laid side by side, arms and legs entangled in one another. Nathan had already drifted off to sleep, leaving Haley barely awake, watching him with gentle eyes.  
  
Was she different now?  
  
She didn't feel any different. Maybe, it didn't hit her yet. She didn't regret it, that much she knew. It was right. Her and Nathan are right.  
  
Smiling, she kissed him softly, causing him to snuggle further towards her warm body in his sleep. She closed her own eyes and within a few minutes, she drifted off into the depths of rest as well.  
  
Outside, it was still raining.


End file.
